Week # 4 - NCAA Ruminations

Good old fashioned country ruminations 

As I noted in an email, we took the kids to go see their great grandmother this week, travelling deep within the confines of Georgia. Cock-a-doodle-doo reminded me of a story I shared with him about my wife's grandmother. It involved a zinger in the truest southern sense. Real southerners are good at slicing you up with their words in a way that you don't even realize it happened. In this particular telling, the matron of the family had made a slightly critical remark in regards to another family member without naming said family member (not me). In reply, said family member said, "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were talking about me." To which, the great grandmother replied, "Hit dog hollars." That, my friends, is classic southernese. And thus bringing us to this week's NCAA Ruminations, southern style.

Theme Song
Well we can't spin southern yarns without a theme song, and the marquee game this weekend featured two coaches by the names of Jimbo and Dabo. It don't git more southern 'n 'at, so here we go:

(Sung to the tune of the Dukes of Hazzard theme song:)

Just two good ol' boys
Coachin' in the ACC.
Tryin' not to get fired
In a league that is mired
in mediocrity.

Saturday night
And Doak Cambell is jacked,
Brent, Herbie, and the crew justa wonderin'
if Florida State is finally back

The Tigers broke out
The only way they know how
That's just way too many yards 
Than the Noles normally allow.

Just them good ole boys
Wouldn't change if they could
Yep, Clemson folded under pressure
Like we figured they would

Cast of Characters

Boss Hogg (aka Les Miles)

Good ole Les Miles, he surrounds himself with shady characters (like Boss Hogg), and always runs crazy schemes (see LSU's offense), and always seems to be in some sort of trouble. But, like Boss Hogg who remained in power despite numerous violations of the law and near butt kickins by Uncle Jessie, Les Miles always seems to come out on top. Here we are with all the attention in the world going to LSU and Alabama. While Alabama just motors along with warlike efficiency, the Tigers stumble and bumble their way  - finding themselves narrowly winning over a very vanilla Auburn team this weekend. Yet, as the polls come out, there is STILL a single solitary number one vote going the Tigers way. Is Boss Ho... I mean Les Miles up to funny Business?

Enos (aka John L. Smith)

Truth be told, the bumbling boob label should go to the geniuses in Fayetteville that hired John L. Smith in the first place. To wit, his career prior to his 1-3 debut at Arkansas:

Idaho, 1989-1994 (53-21, .716 winning %)
Utah State, 1995-1997 (16-18, .470)
Louisville, 1998-2002 (41-21, .661)
Michigan State, 2003-2006 (22-26, .458)

Toss out Idaho and Coach Smith has a .548 winning percentage as a coach of big boy football, yet somehow, because he coached special teams under Petrino, the Arkansas brass saw fit to hire Smith as head coach. Well, you get what you pay for - especially when you pay for a man who managed to go bankrupt to the tune of $25M in debts against $1M in assets. Well you get a man that follows the worst beating in Arkansas home games since the late 60s by a loss to RUTGERS? If Smith remains the head coach as of the end of this week I'll be as surprised as old Enos when he found out Daisy Duke might marry him.

Roscoe P. Coltrane (aka Bob Stoops)

When push comes to shove, you just know them Duke boys are going to get the best of Roscoe. Same holds true fro Bob Stoops and someone in the Big 12. This time it was Kansas States turn. Why the voters continually put the Sooners in their top five EVERY SINGLE YEAR is beyond me but here's to next years poll and a likely #1 pre-season rank for Stoops and his troops.

Uncle Jesse Duke (aka Bill Snyder)

See Bob Stoops above. Bill Snyder does more with less than anyone going. Bob Stoops literally has an army of blue chipper at his disposal. Bill Snyder wouldn't know a blue chipper if said stud athlete tripped over Snyder's 80 year old ankle. But Snyder sure knows what to do with what he has.

Bo Duke (aka Nick Saban)

He just gets it done son.

Luke Duke (aka Chip Kelly)

Hey RichRod! You think you got a speedy offense there? Let me introduce you to the General Lee... (cue horn, car jumping over dirt hill, etc.) FORTY-NINE to NIL. Just like his real lie representative, Tom Wopat, Luke Duke took no mess. I'm sure within a few minutes of being a Pac 12 coach, Rich Rodriguez ticked off everyone, as is his way. Chip Kelly thought he'd handle business too. FORTY NINE to NIL. Rich Rod, welcome to an offensive league. That razzle dazzle may have passed muster in the slow and plodding Big 10 but the Pac 10 practically invented defenseless, air it out, run it out ball. Take heed.

Lulu Hogg (aka Lane Kiffin)

In a particularly bad episode of Dukes of Hazzard, Boss Hogg admitted he married Lulu for money. Lulu had no real talent other than family money but treated Boss Hogg like dirt. Sort of like Lane Kiffin and his throwing his Heisman candidate QB under the bus the week of the Cal game. Sure it worked, but at the end of the day, Lane Kiffin still comes off like a Lulu Hogg proportioned sow.

Thus concludes out sordid country tale. 

Other news - Hokies win! UVA loses! T'was a good weekend!

Happy BUCFPing!